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How could you have made DBE better?

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Post by Chulance Fri Apr 17, 2009 11:38 pm

Write a better plot for DBE.

Rated: R!

I'll start 2000 years ago an alien being came to earth with no memory of his past, or why he was sent to that planet. He learned about human behavior and eventually was contaminated by all the evil within them and split into two one was the good-side Kami who became protector of earth and the other was the evil Namekian Piccolo. He used his mystical powers to create an army of children. He invaded earth and caused mass destruction. Mutaito and his school of martial arts decided to take on Piccolo and in the battle Mataito used a technique called the Mafuba Wave to imprison Piccolo. Kami the current guardian of earth created the dragon-balls 7 mystic orbs capable of granting wishes to the fighters so they could rebuild earth.

Many years later the story continues with Goku a young fourteen-year old boy who lives in the wilderness, and after his Grandpa Gohan died he had rasied himself and kept his treasure the four-star ball. He currently lived in the wilderness going to get some food, when he heard the noise of a speeding-car and assumed it was a monster. He learned of the girl inside named Bulma and they became quick friends. She told him about the dragon-balls why they headed to his house, when the sound of chopter were heard. She hid herself and Goku as the copter arrived with Red Ribbon Army Soldiers. The Fearless boy learned they were after his dragon-ball and went to face them their weapons causing no harm, and he easily wiped them out.

Bulma was shocked by his skill saying they had been hunting her down ever sense she stole a dragon-ball from them after they stole a dragon-ball from him. Goku decided to help her get the dragonballs after she said Grandpa would be proud and Goku touched a button finding a note from his grandpa. He was unable to read and the note said the Namekian was back, find Roshi for training to stop him and save the world. Goku was confused and the duo left and he was easily amazed by modern technology. Meanwhile Commander Red lectures his men and his assistant Adjulant Black to get the dragonballs from the girl and the boy at all costs.

Goku and Bulma left on a motorcycle having 3 dragonballs going to a place called Aru Village where the fourth one resides. A man named General Blue and his men are sent to retrieve the dragon-ball. Once they arrive they learn they have to stop some monster named Oolong to get the dragon-ball and they have a plan to stop Oolong and free the girls he has kidnapped. The trap begins until Blue and his men arrive bursting in grabbing the dragon-ball giving Oolong who is actually a scared pig to try and escape only for Bulma and Goku to stop him, but Blue had already escaped with the dragon-ball and Bulma was forced to disarm a bomb Blue had set to save the villagers instead of retrieve the bobm.

Goku and Bulma decide they can go after Blue later, they force Oolong to help them needing 3 more dragonball they head off into Daiblo Desert, as Goku learns to read his Grandpa's note and makes a deal to give Bulma his DB if she helps him find Roshi. A bandit named Yamcha and his assitant Puar decide to attempt to rob the heroes but they are no match for Goku who decides if Yamcha and Puar help they will let them go free. They make a plan to steal the DB's at the last minute, so Yamcha can get over his fear of women. The next day they head off learning the next ball is in the ocean. Goku goes in the ocean search with Yamcha. Puar speaks to Oolong and convinces him to get over their differences and betray Bulma to get a wish for infinite Gold although he really wants to help Yamcha.

Red is seen telling the army how good General Blue is and introduces the new recruits Shu and Mai. Black suspects there is something suspicious about them Red dismissing his thoughts.


Will finish is it better than the actual DB so far?


Last edited by Anime Goku on Sat Apr 18, 2009 3:31 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Post by Tlaloc Fri Apr 17, 2009 11:51 pm

Yeah it is better than the craptastic Wong vision, maybe sooner or later I will place my script.

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Post by Chulance Fri Apr 17, 2009 11:57 pm

Thanks, and I can't wait to see your scrip.
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Post by lol1991 Sat Apr 18, 2009 2:50 pm

Alright XD.

A long time ago, an evil being named Piccolo atempted to destroy the earth. A group of martial artists banded together to protect the world, and in the end, only three survived. The master and strongest of them, Mutaito, sealed Piccolo away, giving his life in the process. ( this part can be explained later XD)

Cut foward in time, we come to a peacefull mountain, where we find a young boy (now at this point, I should stress he looks about 16/17, so as to serve my porpuse). The boy displays amusing martial arts skills, and superhuman strenght. His name is Goku.

Later that day, a youg woman named Bulma Briefs, arrives at the boys house, and young Goku sees her car as a huge monster, as he never left the safety of his Moutain. Bulma attempts to shoot him in response, but the bullet barely scratchs him.

Bulma wonders how he is so strong, and Goku is fascinated by not only the car, but Bulma also. He also never meet a girl, but his grampa, who passed away a long time ago, told him to always be cordial to women.

Goku takes bulma into his house for some food, and the minut they step foot in the house, Bulma sees a strange crystal orb and screams her ass of excited. She calls it the Dragon Ball and attemps to take it, but Goku tells her to drop it.

As it seems, this dragon ball is Goku's only memory of his grandpa. At that time, the ball begins to glow, and Bulma shows Goku she also has 2 dragon balls. She explains there are seven in total, and that the one who reunites them all shall be granted a wish.

Now then, we cut to a strange old man, that is acompanied by two individuals, a man and a woman. He enters a strange shrine, and finds a old rice cocker...and opens it. The room is filled with a strange green light, and the screen goes black.


Now by my calculations, and if we take out some unnecessary dialog, this scene should take about 20 minutes. I am aiming for about a 2 and a half hours, maybe less.

As you can see I inroduced both Pillaf and Piccolo in the same saga. Since we can't have it all, I am jumping the Red Ribbon army saga, and maybe just put them as a organized group also looking for the dragon balls.

Continues in next post
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Post by Chulance Sat Apr 18, 2009 3:17 pm

Cool. I had an idea to involve Pilaf in my fic
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Post by lol1991 Sat Apr 18, 2009 3:59 pm

Now, we move back to Goku.
Bulma asks Goku to give her the dragon ball, and Goku refuses. Bulma attempts ti seduce him (at this point, lets keep the perversion levels to a minimum k), and Goku just sits there all stupid...Chatwin would have done this scene so naturally XD. Also, Bulmas motivation for finding the Dragon Balls can be something moralistic just so it doesn't end up too stupid. I mean, any wish in the world and she wants a boyfriend...come on!

Anyway, Goku however, does agree to go with Bulma and help her find the dragon balls. Ok now, I am going to condence this, or I will never be done. Alsom when bulma uses the capsules, the effect his a puff of smoke, but not like the anime, It just kinda releases smoke everywere and then shows the motorcycle.

They find the first one, and are confronted by this platoon of soldiers. Goku easily fights them off. This was a cameo of the Red Ribbon. I'm sorry but it as to be short.

Another ball his found, this time, we get threated to the meating bettwen Goku and Chi chi. Goku acts like a ignorant baffon XD (thats why we love him), and Chi Chi just kinda goes "I lovez u) without saying it. NO FUCKING STRAWBERRIES.

He finds another ball, and later, while traveling through a desert, meets Yamcha. Now Yamcha can have is stupid car and tight pants and be a mechanic with a huge drill (that didn't sound rigth). He, however is still shy around girls, but not the extremes of the anime, and is a FIGHTER WITH WOLF FANG FIST!!!!!! He figths Goku, and almost defeats him. Goku however, rebounds and beat the crap out of him. Yamcha, when informed of the balls, joins him for his own gain. Bulma finds Yamcha cute or whatever. He just sits there, socially awkward around her. They reach an ocean or a sea or whatever and get on a plane, sponsered by one of Yamcha's capsules.

Another aperance of Pillaf. This time he finds a Dragon Ball, and says his new master will be pleased or whatever. Just to show Piccolo stills existes

They reach an island throught a plane, and find a house. They meet Roshi, who posseses a dragon ball. He wont give it to Goku, and Yamcha trys to kick his ass. Roshi humiliates him like in the first tenkaichi budokai of the series. Now at this point, a huge ass Navy arrives, and Roshi pwns them with the Kamehameha.

Roshi sees Goku imitate him, and ask him to train under him. Bulma says no, But Roshi insists, and reveals he and Gohan where friends. Goku agrees, and stays with them. He tellls bulma when she as all the other Dragon Balls, to come and meet him there. Finnaly, she agrees and heads of.

Krillin is now introduced. He's around Goku's age, but very short. This can easily be acomplished. I can think of a few actors that would do. They train, blah blah blah. Turtle shells that weigh a ton blah blah blah. Goku learns that ghis grandpa Gohan learned under Roshi, and some more blah. During one night, we see the great Oozaru. Roshi and Goku were looking at the stars, and Goku tells the story of the monster hat killinf gohan. Then he turns great ape, but Roshi like in the anime destroys the moon with a good ol' kamehameha. Krillin sees the wave first hand.

In the end, both Krillin and Goku now kick ass. It as been months. Roshi then tell them to enter the tenkaichi budokai.
As they arrive at the location, they again meet Bulma and Yamcha. He is also entering. They ask if Bulma as yet to find the dragon balls and she says no, shes missing one. Both of them where in the area, and Yamcha wanted to enter the tournament.

They now meet the second surviver of the Piccolo battle, Crane Hermit, and his two discipline, Tien and Chaotzu. Cranes reason for fighting Roshi is simply because they are rivals, and he hates his guts. No, he wont want blood. Now here comes my first casting problem, Chaotzu. How the fuck do I cast this guy. Anyway, the tornament starts, we learn all our main guys passed the preliminaries through the narrator. We come to main atraction, and we see that a stange old man as entered. Its Roshi, blah. Now, we can focuse on the figthing. We come to the first importante match. Tien and Yamcha. The same as the anime occurs, even Yamcha doing Kamehameha. Then Krillin Chaotzu. Krillin wins with a suprise Kamehameha, which again he learned thanks to watching Roshi do it on the moon. Also, smart ass comment by Roshi that these youggins are not human.

Come to the semi, Roshi fight Tien. Same thing as the anime really. Goku vs Krillin. Again same thing, only this time, its a little more even.

We come to the finals. Big ass fight, and Piccolo intterupts and kills Krillin. Goku tries to get even and his ass wooped Both Roshi and Crane try to fight him, and both loose. They make peace and are friends again bla bla. Piccolo takes the dragon balls from Bulma. Now only one left, and Piccolo already has that one.

This last part was only because I thought that Crane should have been in the Piccolo fight, and helped. I liked the character.

Anyway, Goku wakes up, and is still pissed, Roshi tells him of Korins tower, and to help him go faster, gives him the nimbus cloud XD. What, thought I had forgoten XD.

Anyway, as Goku leaves, Roshi tells Shen that its time for the Mafuba. Both prepare the new container, and head off. Tien and Chaotzu follow.

Gokus gets to Korins tower, and meets Yajurobi at the bottom. A Piccolo offspring arrives, and Yajurobi kicks his sorry ass. Both him and Goku climb the tower.

Meanwhile, Roshi tries to use Mafuba on Picoolo but fails, and dies. The crane school try and fight Piccolo, but fail. Shen manages to save Tien (it doesn't look like it. To the audience, he died) but dies. Then when Piccolo goes for the wish (during the fight, Pillaf arrives with the last ball), Chaotzu tries to whish before him: He also dies. We finally see Piccolos motivation. He wanted to be young again. We also finnaly see the epic dragon. He's oriental, but no horns. Only whiskers. Piccolo kills him.

Goku reaches the top, and goes thought the processe of the mystic water. However, when he drinks the water this time, it's legit. Why? Because we don't exactly have time for him to fail and then come back again. He gets on his nimbus and flys to Piccolo (he can now sense him right?)

Then, we cut to main capital city of whatever. Piccolo arrives and starts to raise hell again.

Just then, Tien arrives. Everyone goes "OMG DIDN'T HE DIE". He tries Mafuba, but like in the anime fails. Then Goku arrives. Epic battle, and he finishes by propeling himself with the Kamehameha, and punshing Piccolo. Since Goku is not uber small, he rips out a piece of Piccolo's cheats from the SIDE, not a hole in the middle. It serves the same purpose.
Anyway, Piccolo spits out the egg.

And Goku gets the first taste of the senzu beans, for Yajurobi arrived with them, and also tells Goku to go to the tower, Korin wants a word.

Now Gokus goes there, same process as the anime, only no need for the power pole, since I feel there is no need (sorry)

Gokus goes up, meets popo, but no fighting. He again meets Kami, the whole story bla bla, Kami brings back le dragon, everyone is wished back. Goku stays and trains with Kami on his request, but Kami didn't tell him of Piccolo Junior. He just wanted to get stronger (thats our Goku)

Credits roll, and then we get threated to a scene with Piccolo Junior coming out of his egg.

Now, to finalize, this whole thing would have to been heavely cut in some areas. The red Ribbon part is simply to show off Goku's ubber strenght, etc.

The movie, as I look at it now, would be more than 2 and a half hours. So maybe 3 hours, likw Watchmen, would be enough.

Give me some ratings if its still similar to the original, and you feel I left out something importante. I am sorry about Eitgher, but I couldn't fit him in.

Anyway, of course the Tenkaichi and the final battler have the most action. Quick action, actual figthing. Don't ask me about the kamehameha, or the dodon ray (i didn't mention it, but it appears in the Krillin Chaotzu fight, like in the anime). I don't really know hoe they would look, but it would take a very high CGI budget to do it.

Also, the character outline isn't really show here, but every character would be themselfs on a smaller degree. Like Gokue wouldn't be totally clueless, and Roshi not so perverted. Piccolo would still be an SOB.
The final fight and the tournament would take the longest. I don't know if they can even be done to full extent in one movie. I just know the final fight needs to be at least 20 minutes, with the Tien part included.
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Post by Chulance Sat Apr 18, 2009 4:08 pm

Pretty good power-pole is important and Yamcha being extremly shy around girls is the reason he wanted the DB's. Bulma wanted the PERFECT boyfriend.
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Post by lol1991 Sat Apr 18, 2009 5:25 pm

Anime Goku wrote:Pretty good power-pole is important and Yamcha being extremly shy around girls is the reason he wanted the DB's. Bulma wanted the PERFECT boyfriend.

The wish was still stupid, and I made Yamcha shy around girls, I just didn't think that him waiting the dragon balls to cure that would go well with main stream...I mean don't forget, this is a LAM. I am trying to make it something everyone will like.
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Post by Tlaloc Sat Apr 18, 2009 10:54 pm

I want to speak of my script, but I rather prefer to have a thread of my own. Is that possible.

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Post by lol1991 Sun Apr 19, 2009 8:38 am

Tlaloc wrote:I want to speak of my script, but I rather prefer to have a thread of my own. Is that possible.

Sure do it.
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Post by Chulance Sun Apr 19, 2009 9:57 am

Yeah fine with me
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Post by Dimitrije Tue Apr 21, 2009 3:51 pm

lol1991 i like your idea but i think that is too long and too expensive for any1 i dont think that any company will give that much money for movie,but if u some1 put all that in 2h and 30min of movie that is awesome. And you can remove part with 23rd budokai . In my personal opinion 23rd budokai can make own movie i think that there is enough material for a 100 min of movie.

PS. 23rd budokai with goku training with Kami at lookout. that can be good second movie.

Oh sry lol1991 i miss understod you Smile my bad u didnt even put 23rd budokai in movie Smile


Last edited by Dimitrije on Tue Apr 21, 2009 3:55 pm; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : My bad)
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Post by 4Neodemon Sat Apr 25, 2009 10:35 am

Besides a movie faithfull to the manga story (with both picoolo and the RR army), i also would also like to see a movie only based on the sayans (both their characterisics\origins and story life).... like the anime DB movie about Bardock..lol
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Post by lol1991 Sat Apr 25, 2009 2:27 pm

4Neodemon wrote:Besides a movie faithfull to the manga story (with both picoolo and the RR army), i also would also like to see a movie only based on the sayans (both their characterisics\origins and story life).... like the anime DB movie about Bardock..lol

look, it would be impossible to make a single movie about the entire DB manga. It would take at least 3 movies, and even then...My way is the best way to do it. I already left out Baba, the RR army, and the 23rd Budokai tenkaichi, and it's still to long I think.
The other thing, could be done in a X-Men: Origins kinda way
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Post by Neziare Sat Apr 25, 2009 8:04 pm

Refer to my new thread "Dragonball Evolution" Razz

Heya~!
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Post by 4Neodemon Sun Apr 26, 2009 8:20 am

lol1991 wrote:
4Neodemon wrote:Besides a movie faithfull to the manga story (with both picoolo and the RR army), i also would also like to see a movie only based on the sayans (both their characterisics\origins and story life).... like the anime DB movie about Bardock..lol

look, it would be impossible to make a single movie about the entire DB manga. It would take at least 3 movies, and even then...My way is the best way to do it. I already left out Baba, the RR army, and the 23rd Budokai tenkaichi, and it's still to long I think.
The other thing, could be done in a X-Men: Origins kinda way

Its easy put both picoolo and the red ribbon army... at the moment i do not have time, but im going to make a script with that Wink
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Main character info:
Level, Stats and Skills:
Health:
How could you have made DBE better? Left_bar_bleue100/100How could you have made DBE better? Empty_bar_bleue  (100/100)

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