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Review of the film from GameFAQs.

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Post by Nikku Thu Mar 12, 2009 7:04 pm

Somebody has apparently seen the film and has given it a very negative review:

http://www.gamefaqs.com/boards/genmessage.php?board=955444&topic=48554145

Dragonball: Evolution is horrible beyond belief.

I decided to ignore all the negativity going on and gave the movie a chance. I did think the
pictures and trailers were lame, but nothing could have prepared me for this. The movie
truly sucked in a way that I could never have imagined.

Any Dragon Ball fan would be disappointed with this movie, and any non-Dragon Ball fan would
probably never want to hear of Dragon Ball again. (I really hope noone ever actually think this
movie is good)

Onto the story, if you don't want to be spoiled skip on to the summary.

Storyline:

The movie starts off weird, showing sweat drip off of Goku's face (he's got a weird expression
going on too), afterwards Grandpa Gohan pops out and they start training. Already the cheesy
lines and lame fight scene make me regret purchasing my ticket, also what the heck is Shadow
Crane Strike?

Anyways, Grandpa wishes Goku a Happy Birthday and gives him the 4 Star Dragon Ball, and tells
him a story about Piccolo and Oozaru. Wow... Oh yea, also, when the 7 Dragon Balls are gathered,
you can summon Shenlong who grants one "perfect" wish. What the heck is a "perfect wish"?

Sometime around here, it shows Mai in Japan taking a Dragon Ball and killing a woman.

Goku goes to school on his bike, and some bullies run over his bike with their car and he
gets upset. If the movie wasn't lame enough, it gets even worst with the bully (Named Fuller)
calling Goku "Geeko." But Goku's made a promise not to fight, so he does nothing.

In class, the teacher talks and asks questions and Goku spaces out while looking at Chi Chi.
The teacher asks him a question and he talks about how his Grandpa told him about the
evil Nameks.

After class, Chi Chi's locker is stuck, so Goku uses his Ki to open it. Suddenly, Chi Chi becomes
attracted and interested in Goku (seriously), she's all: "You can use Ki!?" and he's suprised that
she knows about Ki and they have a conversation with her inviting him to her party.

At the party, the bullies are there and call him Geeko. He doesn't actually fight back, but he
dodges and they, like idiots, end up hitting eachother the entire time. Afterwards, Goku goes
talk to Chi Chi.

Now it shows Grandpa Gohan meeting Mai, who tries to kill him. Then Piccolo shows up and
brings the house down.
Goku sensing something wrong with his Grandpa heads back home.

With his dying breath, Gohan tells Goku to find Master Roshi and tell him that Piccolo is back.

Here's where it really starts to get bad.

Enter Bulma, I'm sure the actress is a fine actress, but the voice she does is so horrible.

I'll skip out on all the little details, but they team up and go on a search for Roshi and the
Dragon Balls.

Enter Roshi.

If Bulma wasn't bad enough, Roshi's actor just plain fails. I'm sure Chow Yun-Fat is a good actor,
but this is the first movie I can think of that I've seen him in and I'm seriously dissapointed.
His bad English, cheesy lines, cheesy facial expressions, everything, I seriously wanted to just
leave the theatre. Oh yea, he pronounces Gohan wrong throughout the entire movie.

So they head out to find the Dragon Balls and fall in a whole.

Enter Yamcha.

Wow, if the movie wasn't a failed comedy with Bulma and Roshi already, Yamcha is definite
proof that this movie is a joke. I like Joon Park (Plus I've got Korean blood in me), but man,
what is with the voice? I really blame the directors/producers for this movie, cuz these are all
fine actors, but they look like clowns.

Anyways, from here, they somehow end up in a volcano like area. Now it turns into Power Rangers.
Piccolo hooked up to some device that drains his blood and creates some oozy stuff that forms
itself into some soldier thing just totally reminded me of Ivan Ooze, but instead of his ooze
becoming the Tengu, it's those stone statues.

Seriously, and even Piccolo is a joke, he looks like a green Jimmy Neutron wannabe.

Now it turns into video game mode. After beating a few ooze monsters or whatever they are,
Goku starts tossing them into the lava in such a way to form a bridge. Roshi praises him for his
smartness, but man, how does that make sense?

So Goku hops across and grabs the Dragon Ball, oh yea, I forgot to mention, there's a time
limit along with a prophecy, but I'm not going to tell everything anyway. After grabbing the
Dragon Ball, Mai randomly pops up and gets beat by Goku. Also, Goku has visions after
every Dragon Ball and he sees Oozaru. He tells Roshi: "I need to beat Ozaru." gah, I know
they're trying to hide the fact that he is the Oozaru, but they made it all so dumb.

A couple other events lead them to this place called Taison (spelling?) where a tournament is
being held, but they're not there for the tournament (though Chi Chi is)

Mai fights Chi Chi and for some reason cuts her and takes a sample of her blood. Yea, she
uses the blood to shapeshift into Chi Chi later, but how does she know Chi Chi's relation to
Goku is unknown to me. In fact, a lot is unknown, why're Yamcha and Bulma instantly
attracted to eachother? A lot of things are moving fast.

Roshi meets his master and asks for another thing to seal Piccolo. Roshi also shows Goku the
Kamehameha (And boy does Roshi's pronunctiation of the move annoy me), and he uses it to
light a lantern. What weird hand motions too. Anyways, Goku sucks and can't do it, then Chi Chi
shows up and all of a sudden he's really good at it. And as if it couldn't be more sudden, Goku
and Chi Chi kiss and fall in love.

Now fake Chi Chi takes the Dragon Balls and gets in a fight with real Chi Chi and also shoots
Goku. As if the movie could not have gone off course enough, Roshi uses Kamehameha to BRING
GOKU BACK TO LIFE, WOW. Well, actually he did say: "He's still alive, but barely" (or
something like that, but Goku's totally in Heaven with Grandpa Gohan)

Now Piccolo has all the Dragon Balls and HAS to go to Dragon Mountain or whatever it was to
summon Shenlong. Wow, I didn't know placing the Dragon Balls in a stand would make mountains
rise. What's even more surprising is that on the way there (well, they're RIGHT there) Goku
decides to instantly change into the gi he found. I guess it gives him plus stats, cuz I see NO
reason to change 1 minute before a fight to determine the fate of the world.

Piccolo was not cool once throughout the entire movie, and you think this is his one chance to
shine, but no. He's totally lame, I'm using child safe language here, but really it was extremely
disappointing.

So, he tells Goku that he's Oozaru, I surprisingly actually liked Justin Chatwin throughout the
movie, not as Goku, but he's a good looking guy and can probably do much better roles, but MAN
his facial expression here made me want to burst out laughing. Goku then transforms in such
a horribly done scene, seriously, even the final form is extremely lame. He looks like he just
came off Planet of the Apes, he's barely taller than Piccolo and he looks stupid, even his clothes
are still on, perfectly fine (though the gi is open, must've been why he changed)

After doing no real damage at all, he snaps out of it andreverts to normal in a very poorly done
transformation sequence. Seriously, the frame before the last one doesn't match.

So now Goku, with gi magically buttoned back together, accepting himself as both Goku and
Oozaru somehow generates massive energy around him and takes on Piccolo. Gah, the Piccolo
falling sequence was really poorly done also.

Their fight is short lived, and I'm not even going to talk about Bulma/Yamcha vs Mai or how
Roshi died, it's not worth the words.

Anyways, Piccolo does some unnamed energy attack, Goku starts doing Kamehameha... this is
the stupidest Kamehameha I've EVER seen. Goku JUMPS with the energy in front of him and
goes through Piccolo's attack and knocks Piccolo into a rock. Honestly, it looks like NO damage
was done, but Piccolo was out cold and everyone's attention became focused on Roshi.

Oh noes, he's dead, wait, we gots Dragon Balls!

"DRAGON! THE TRIALS OF THE 7 DRAGON BALLS HAVE BEEN ACCOMPLISHED, I COMPEL
YOU TO COME OUT AND..." I don't remember, but it went something like that, really made no
sense. Now, you expect to see a really cool dragon appear, but it's tiny, and not even a
Chinese dragon, it looks much more European Dragon style even though all the main characters
have been Asian. Also, he doesn't even talk, Goku just asks for Roshi's life back and Shenlong
throws up energy on Roshi and bam. Roshi makes a lame joke and you pray that it's over.

Yay, Goku and Chi Chi fight in the tournament... wait, nope, they just jump towards eachother,
hand vs foot, and it stops. I forgot to mention, but the movie slows down like that with lots of
scenes and tries to make them dramatic, but it comes off really stupid, like at this scene and
another that involves an idiot jump kicking.

Now you really think it's over, and are happy, but along with the credits is a random J-pop song.
The song itself isn't too bad, but is SO out of place in a American High School/Asian Temple
setting. I really really felt the song was out of place and didn't belong in this movie.

After the song is over, you get an extra scene. Please be something worthwhile!
So... you see an Asian woman stirring something in a pot, and she walks through a hallway for a good two minutes. Then she comes to a bed which keeps the person underneath hidden as if to build suspense. What do you know! It's Piccolo, as if we THOUGHT he was dead in any way. Of course not, and what the heck happened to his airship, it totally disappeared before the final scenes.

Summary:

The Good:
-Justin Chatwin is a handsome guy, he's not a good Goku though, but better than the rest
-Jamie Chung is extremely cute, her and Justin are the only thing that give this movie ANY life

The Bad:
-Out of the hundred or so attempts made to be funny, I only laughed about 2-3 times
-James Marsters as Jimmy Neutron in Green Alien form! Seriously, that and Piccolo had no
good parts and came off as totally wimpy, lame, and unthreatening. Yes, UNthreatening.
-Bulma needs to talk with a normal, natural voice, but if that wasn't enough, Roshi and Yamcha ruined any chance of this movie being taken seriously. I know that Roshi is SUPPOSED to be funny, but he is NOT in any way. Yamcha's voicing just kills the character completely.
-Grandpa Gohan even looked like an idiot. He may have even been more of an idiot than Roshi if he had lived longer.
-Mai and Piccolo? When did this happen?
-Bulma and Yamcha fell in love too quickly and for no reason. Chi Chi fell in love with Goku the minute she saw his "Ki"
-"Geeko" nuff said...

I really went in with a positive attitude, I didn't want my judgements based on pictures and the trailer to affect my opinion. But the movie is much much worse than what I could have imagined. I repeat, it is NOT worth the time or money and it leaves a very bad taste. And the fact that they're even THINKING of a sequel makes me wonder where these people's heads are.

I know this is just my opinion, but I'm one of the positive optimistic types, if someone like me has such a burning hatred for this movie, then you cannot expect anything good from others.

I tried to give it a chance, I really did. I also had much more to say, but it isn't worth it.

Since this is GameFaqs, I can make a good comparison. This movie is the Superman 64 of movies.

Rating: 2/10

Peace...
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Post by Jessica Raine Thu Mar 12, 2009 7:17 pm

I head half of the plot but when it got to the volcano bridge I stopped for my health X D
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Post by Nikku Thu Mar 12, 2009 7:20 pm

JessicaRaine wrote:I head half of the plot but when it got to the volcano bridge I stopped for my health X D

*Places a hand on Jessie's shoulder*

It's okay, breathe... breathe... there we go! I know, it's absolutly terrible. Batman and Robin looks oscar worthy compared to this crap.
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Post by Jessica Raine Thu Mar 12, 2009 7:23 pm

can't breathe...mind in shock...body rejecting life!
Frank: no it isn't.
Me: -_- yeah I know. I was being dramatic!
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Post by Tlaloc Thu Mar 12, 2009 7:25 pm

That's it, I stopped reading about using the balls in some mountain, can't believe it got a 2 out of 10, it should had been 1 or 0 out of 10.

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Post by Jessica Raine Thu Mar 12, 2009 7:29 pm

I agree, 2 is more than it deserves by far
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Post by Chulance Thu Mar 12, 2009 7:35 pm

Seriosuly. I just watched Smallville and I keep watching Masters character get killed. I wanna become Doomsday and destroy DBE.
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Post by Jessica Raine Thu Mar 12, 2009 7:36 pm

*goes back and reads the whole thing*
.....*screams into pillow incoheriently*
-5 minutes later-
AND WTF CHATWIN IS UGLY HE HAS DEMON EYES AND GIANT FOREHEAD!


*deep breath*ok I'm calm now...
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Post by Nikku Thu Mar 12, 2009 7:40 pm

I can't get over how retarded the whole thing is, I mean, the Kamehameha now lights lanterns and brings people back to life!?
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Post by Jessica Raine Thu Mar 12, 2009 8:07 pm

T_T blasphemy~
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Post by VEGETA_DTX Fri Mar 13, 2009 5:05 am

I AM REBORN WHENEVER I READ SUCH REVIEWS!!! Smile
I also stopped reading somewhere on half...

However the only thing that I disagree with is 2/10...I mean he just bashed all over it and the actually gave it 2?!?! 2!??! 2 IS A FREAKIN MEDAL FOR THIS MOVIE! but oh I guess the guy is maybe valuing everything below 5 as very very horrible mark.

I know I'd give -999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999/10

But oh well great review and thank you Nikku very much for sharing this with us! Wink
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Post by Nikku Fri Mar 13, 2009 5:52 am

No problem! It was really nice to read a really negative review!
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Post by Son Goku Fri Mar 13, 2009 10:36 am

He shouldn't have gone to the movie then. Jeez! If it looks bad, has a lot of negativity, guess what? It's probably going to be bad!
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Post by Son Goku Fri Mar 13, 2009 10:40 am

Could you provide a link please? I'm trying to find this review but have had no luck so far.
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Post by Nikku Fri Mar 13, 2009 1:09 pm

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Post by justinlynch3 Fri Mar 13, 2009 1:37 pm

I see this as the death note of DBZ.

When anyone mentions DBZ, the first thing comming to peoples mind will be this shit.
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Post by ningen Fri Mar 13, 2009 2:01 pm

Proof that there is some sane people left.
I'm satisfied with the 2.
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Post by Jessica Raine Fri Mar 13, 2009 6:02 pm

It's like, ok if i NEVER EVER watch the movie but still hate it, right? I read that entire summary thing and that's all I can handle...I seriously swear that I won't even watch this peice of shit even to see how bad it is.
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Post by lol1991 Fri Mar 13, 2009 7:07 pm

I want to. I really want to. Lets hope my usual movie provider comes through...if so, and if it's not up by then, I will post it here...for all you're viewing "pleasure"
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Post by Nikku Fri Mar 13, 2009 8:56 pm

I'll wait for it to be uploaded to Youtube. I'm going to write a huge review on this piece of shit, but in order for me to do that, I'll need to... *gasp* SEE THE FILM!!!

I'm not paying to see it though, no ****ing way. They're not getting a cent off me. Youtube will be where I sit through DBE.
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Post by Jessica Raine Fri Mar 13, 2009 10:02 pm

...I'll watch a few scenes, but I can't make myself sit through the whole thing
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Post by Hawttdawgg Sat Mar 14, 2009 12:09 am

Well, I'll download it from some torrent sites.. AND THEN, UPLOAD IT EVERYWHERE... Then i'll post the links on EVERYWHERE Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy
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Post by Jessica Raine Sat Mar 14, 2009 7:01 am

and I'll put some of coco's droppings in an envelope and mail them to chatwin!
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Post by justinlynch3 Sat Mar 14, 2009 3:34 pm

Nikku wrote:I'll wait for it to be uploaded to Youtube. I'm going to write a huge review on this piece of shit, but in order for me to do that, I'll need to... *gasp* SEE THE FILM!!!

I'm not paying to see it though, no ****ing way. They're not getting a cent off me. Youtube will be where I sit through DBE.

Same here Nikku, same here.
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Post by Nikku Sat Mar 14, 2009 6:17 pm

^___^

I'm dreading watching though... but at least on the small Youtube screen, I won't have Chatlose's ugly whimpy emo face blown up 100 by 100.
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