Nikku's Dragonball Evolution Script!

by Nikku Wed Dec 10, 2008 7:37 pm

Here's my script! Please read it all! I hope you get all the references!

*Justin Chatwin finishes his studies (he’s in high school because he’s Asian, after all) and goes quad bike racing through the dark and gritty and realistic city streets. 3 original characters come up to him*

Original Character 1 – Hey Gawku! How ya doin’?
Original Character 2 – Hey Gawku!
Original Character 3 – Hey Gawku, have this chicken leg to eat!
Chatwin – No… I’m not ready to eat…

*Just then, the school bully arrives and runs Gawku down with his yellow car. Bully gets out (with his yellow outfit that matches the color of his car, illuminating the night sky) and walks up to Gawku with his girlfriend Jamie Chung*

Bully – Hey, did you just fart?

*Gawku tries to hide from him*

Bully – I said did you just fart!?
Chatwin – No… I’m not ready for that…

*Suddenly, Jamie Chung runs in front of Gawku and her boyfriend*

Chung – Nooo, you not hurting him! He have doing nothing to yourself!
Bully – Yo Gawku man! You stealin’ mah gurl!? Chee-Chee, what are you doin’?

*Gawku and Chee-Chee run away*

Chatwin - I'm not ready...!
Jamie - GAWKU!! *Huggles Gawku*
Chatwin - ...did you just fart?
Jamie - Oh GAWKU! You are is funny being!
Chatwin - No... I'm not ready to be funny...
Jamie - HAHAHA! GAWKU you are crack me up funny!
Chatwin - Like I said, I'm not ready...

*They have the clichéd movie kiss and make out*

Meanwhile, hundreds of miles away!

Marsters - I need the Dragonball to make me green!
Tamura - Don't worry sir! Me and your Fullum Assassins are going to find it!
Marsters - Well you'd better hurry up! Or I'll blast something!

*Marsters raises his arm with his palm facing the floor and a lame sound effect is heard. We immediately cut to a picture of a bedside table (with dynamite clearly placed inside it) as it explodes*

Marsters - Mwahaha. I am evil.
Tamura - Oh no, he is evil.

Meanwhile, hundreds of miles away!

Rossum – I am very smart and I have always been an expert gun wielder! With these skills (and my martial arts), I will find the Dragonball!

*She bumps into GAWKU and Chee-Chee*

Chung – GAWKU!! Who are this lady!? Are you seeing other womanses!?
Chatwin – No… I’m not ready to see other women…
Rossum – Did you just fart?
Chatwin – No… I’m not ready for farting…
Rossum – I’m finding a Dragonball. We should team up for some reason.
Chatwin – No… I’m not ready for teaming up…
Chung – OH NOES!! Now GAWKU have finding more ladies! I must being sexier to turning him on more!!!

Meanwhile, hundreds of miles away!

Marsters – Where is Mai henchlady called my? I sent her to find my balls over 2 minutes ago!

*Just then, My walks in*

Tamura - Greetings my master. I have found it!
Marsters – Now I can be green again!!!

*Marsters makes his wish offscreen, because the dicks at Fox were too stingy to fork out for a transformation scene*

Meanwhile, hundreds of miles away!

*Gawku, the lady who is an expert with guns and the lady who can’t speak any English to save her life meet Chow Yun Fat*

Rossum – Who are you old man!?
Fat – I’m Chow Yun Fat. Fox thought that by bringing me into this piece of drivel that it would actually be good! I am a down to Earth funny guy!
Chatwin – Hey, do you think he’s ready to be a funny guy? I don’t...

*Fat pulls out a crude painting of a full moon*

Yun – I am now suddenly compelled to show young GAWKU this picture.

*Gawku looks at the picture and (again offscreen) turns into a Freaky Fish Guy*

Chung – OH NOES!! He are be a big monkey!!
Fat – We must fight him, even though we don’t know if he is good or evil in this transformed state!

*Down to Earth Funny Guy, Gunweilder and Crappy English Lady fight Chatwin’s obvious 8 foot stand in a Matrix rip off fight scene shot entirely in slow motion. After beating Mr 8 foot tall man, he turns back into GAWKU (again offscreen)*

Chatwin – Well I definitely wasn’t ready for that…
Jamie – GAWKUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!! Why you transforming into a big tall man that is huge??
Chatwin – I dunno, but let’s go and eat… If I’m ready for it that is…

Meanwhile, hundreds of miles away.

*We see James Marsters with green paint on his white latex mask*

Meanwhile, hundreds of miles away!

*Gawku and the others are eating very small meals, because Goku obviously didn’t eat much in the manga and anime*

Chatwin – I’m not ready to be full…
Rossum – My transformer knock off can become a cooker. I’ll bet that impressed you didn’t it?
Chatwin – Cool…

*Just then, Marsters and My appear outside Mr Down To Earth Funny Guy’s apartment (that’s right, I said apartment) and laugh “evilly”*

Marsters – Come out and face me Gawku!

*The group runs outside*

Fat – Oh no! It is the evil Lord Piccolo! He is very evil!!
Rossum – Is that true!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!??!!?!?
Marsters – Yes, very true! I am the evillest person ever!
Chung – OH NOEZ!!!! He are evil and that meaning bad!! GAWKU must fighting him!!!!!
Fat – Well, that depends on if he’s finally ready… to be ready!!

DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!!!!

Chatwin – Ya know something… I think I AM ready!

*Across the real world, millions of people being forced to sit through this trash yell out a collective “FINALLY!!!”*

Marsters – I will use my tight black spandex suit and my Japanese sword to kill you!! This sword is over nyne thowzand!!

*Back in the real world, James Wong the director of this masterpiece can be seen thinking “And those so called fans said this movie was nothing like Dragonball!”*

*Back to the movie. Chatwin (who is ready) engages in a very short, very Matrix/Spider-Man rip off fight that is again shot entirely in slow motion*

Chatwin – If only my limbo skills could help me now, but I guess they’re just not ready…

*Suddenly, The evil Lord Piccolo (who is evil!) throws a slow mo punch at Gawku and he limbo’s to avoid it*

Marsters – Oh no! He somehow leant back and avoided my Evil Punch!!

*Gawku punches Piccolo (very evil man) in the face (in slow mo) and he falls over. His Evil Japanese Sword suddenly comes to life and unconvincingly stabs Roshi in the arm, causing him to die instantly*

Chatwin – Oh no. My master is dead.

*Gawku then remembers all the great scene (there was only one scene shot) he had with Roshi and begins to form the Kamehameha! He straightens his legs, moves his hands to the right and begins to yell...*

Chatwin – Ka… meh… huh… ma…

*I said YELL!*

Chatwin – Okay… Ka… meh… huh… ma…

*Sod you then asswipe.*

Chatwin – Huuuuh…

*The evil Piccolo (who is the most evillest person in the film and indeed the world) is pulled off screen by a wire as a huge blue photo shopped light hits him*

Chatwin – I have won, but my master is dead.

*A very unconvincing CGI tear falls from Chatwin’s constantly bored looking eyes and falls onto Roshi. He comes to life again, making the search for the Dragonball completely unessacery and a complete waste of our (the viewers) time*

Fat – Congrats Gawku, you have passed your test. I will now give you this orange outfit.
Chatwin – Master…
Fat – Yes Gawku, what is it?
Chatwin – Did you just fart?

*Everyone laughs as the screen fades to black and the Linkin Park song plays over the credits. After the credits, there is a short scene where Marsters is picked up by My and taken away. The words “COMING SOON, DRAGONBALL EVOLVING!!!!” appear on screen......*

Dragonball Evolving – In cinemas April 8th 2012!